May 2013
sneezybananafish11:
Lucille: I’m done with Buster. All he does is push my buttons.
Michael: He also zips you up and sands your elbows.
“You seem more villainous than usual mom, are you sober?”
– Michael Bluth (via astronautmikedexter)
Michael and Lucille Bluth, "Arrested Development,"...
Michael: We have a private eye, huh?
Lucille: Oh, I hired him a hundred years ago to find out if your father was cheating on me. He never did find anything.
Michael: Well, he can't be very good then.
twerking-in-my-volvo:
long-weave-dont-believe:
hush little laptop dont you cry. Mommy’s gonna find you some more wifi.
And if that wifi doesn’t work Momma will destroy the fucking earth
timecannotberewritten:
dovahqueene:
iwishlilbwasmygrandpa:
There are thousands of half-babies in my ballsack and that’s terrifying
at least you don’t bleed them out every month
you make a compelling argument
the-tricky-angel-gabriel:
I remember when I thought people in their 20’s were adults. Now all of my friends are in their 20’s and everybody is just kind of fumbling around bumping into each other, trying to figure out where the free food is……
so that’s pretty much what I’m expecting to experience for the next like 10 years.
the accuracy of this post is alarming.
“If I was your lover”… Finish it in my ask.
Watch me get none whatsoever
I’m looking forward to not receiving any messages.
areasonableamountofkatharines:
allisonthenerdmachine:
On a scale of 1 to the War of the Worlds broadcast how misunderstood is your joke.
a modest proposal
lokilovers:
tom-sits-like-a-whore:
i love how tumblr is a bunch of really intellectual activists who understand politics, religion, sexuality, and literature better than most of the human population
but put an exceptionally attractive British man in front of them and everyone is reduced to
ALKSDJFLADSJFLJASLDJF;KSADJFLJSDLKFJS
OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU FACE SIR
UNF UNF UNF UNF GET NAKED IN MY...
GO ON ANON AND ASK ME THE MOST AWKWARD QUESTION...
pearls:
pearls:
i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun
sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard
justlikedisney:
loriarty:
wreck-it-rogers:
The fact that Robert Downey Jr. is threatening to leave Marvel unless Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett basically all his Marvel buddies get a pay raise really shows you that he is a great man, a human being, and never thinks of himself above others even if he jokes that he is above everyone else all the time.
Not only that, but he’s also...
dummystark:
bedquest:
dear fucking tumblr
this is a fucking bumblebee
this is a fucking bee
this is a fucking hornet
this is a fucking wasp
as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are
And I’m allergic to them all, wheeeeee!
plot twist: yahoo buys tumblr and we get proper blocking features, lockable posts, a sent folder in messages/fanmail with a better interface, ability to search multiple tags, removal of the post and message limits, proper search engines for likes/archives and removing that bloody "reblog as a link" option.
Listen here you little fucks.
the-beautiful-world:
THIS
IS
NOT
FUCKING
OKAY.
DO NOT FUCKING COMPARE YAHOO BUYING TUMBLR TO SOMETHING THAT KILLED MILLIONS.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU ALL.
YOU ALL MAKE ME SICK.
carry-on-wayward-assbutt:
why is it more socially acceptable to be completely obsessed with a sports team than to be completely obsessed with a book, tv show, or movie?
darrynek:
*mom voice* you’re bored? clean your room
ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE SHITS
dreamwurks:
hacheload:
rosenkristall:
TUMBLR AND IT’S FUTURE IS AT STAKE HERE
SIGN AND REBLOG IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TUMBLR FROM YAHOO
SIGNAL BOOST
HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I CHECKED AND THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need 5,000,000 signatures
i know there’s enough bloggers out there
hell sign twice using different emails.
Plot Twist: Stark Industries buys Tumblr. We all get free issue laptops with fantastic WiFi.
Insides making their monthly bid for freedom, it is raining and my mum’s living room is leaking.
paperwhale:
claydols:
your bra strap is showing please hide it because it is suggestive. also your boobs are producing lumps in your shirt please hide them. your butt is in the same situation please get rid of it. also your legs. your arms. your face.
