last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere
you know what kills me, what really haunts my deepest darkest dreams? harry using lumos at privet drive in prisoner of azkaban to do his homework. WARNER BROTHERS! Harry Potter WAS NOT ALLOWED TO DO MAGIC OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. THAT’S WHY HE RAN AWAY AFTER BLOWING UP HIS FUCKING AUNT. Do you understand the MAJOR continuity problem in your adaptation of this billion-dollar book series? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
if I had a twin I would go into crowds of strangers and profess my love to someone and then say “if our love isn’t meant to be, I will go back in time and slap myself” and then my twin would burst in and slap me
Oh my god youre straight? I had no idea. You seem normal to me. Did you know that Sara is straight to? You two should totally hook up. I cant believe youre straight. You could be my straight best friend. We could go to football games together. Itll be so much fun. So like how long have you been straight? Youre whole life!? No way.